First Decade Down

Dear Jason,

I could say that I can't even remember life without you by my side, but I would be lying. Today, on our 10 year anniversary, I can't help but remember what my life was like without you in it, and it makes me instantaneously grateful that you are mine and for this life we have built together.

I revisit my former self, the "me" from a decade ago, and I find her almost unrecognizable. I have changed much over the years, growing and morphing into what I feel is quite a different person. I'm not as selfish as I used to be, but I'm much more of a control freak. I don't need to drag you out every weekend so I can get my social fix satisfied, but instead treasure the meaningful times with you and a few close friends that know me well and love me anyway. I'm not the girl constantly talking your ear off whenever you walk into the room, but rather am content and comfortable in the silences you and I create. The shape of my personality has been honed and tweaked and sculpted and has made me into the person, the mother, and the wife you wake up to every morning.

But for all of me that has changed, for all of the appearing and disappearing of parts of me that either needed to go or needed to shine, there is the one thing in my life that has held constant. Jason, my constant is you.

I look back over these last 10 years and hundreds of pictures and memories wash over me. I remember the heart-breaking losses of your cousin Chris, your grandparents, and my father. I revisit with pride and tenderness the pregnancies, the births, the c-section recoveries and the newborn haze of our four children. I look back with a distinct sense of God's provision and care as I recall moving our family of five into a friends home for eight months while we waded through the process of building our own. And then there were the birthdays and Christmas's and vacations and T-ball games and new puppies and Sunday mornings and Saturday evenings and every other time of day in between. I see all of this, and the best part of it all is that I see all of this with you. You've just always been there. And in this day and age I have to remind myself what a blessing and what a gift your being constant is in my life.

And so today I want to say thank you. Thank you for not only being physically present, but for being my constant emotionally as well. No matter what venture I embark on I never have to question your support, your gentle leadership, and your loyalty to me and to this marriage. It's easy to take you for granted, as you never give me any reason to doubt your commitment to this life we have made together. But I promise to try not to. You truly are a one-of-a-kind find, and it is only by the grace of God that I was the one who found you. Today, on our tenth anniversary, it doesn't escape me for a second how blessed I am. I don't deserve you, but God decided to give you to me anyway. And you remain hands-down the greatest gift in my life.

My prayer for us moving forward is that we continue to seek always the ever-faithful and ever-loving hand and will of God in our life. I pray that as we grow older we grow closer together, and the promise we made to each other so long ago to always love each other and be there for each other continues to solidify with the tests of time. And I pray that if God's will for our children is marriage that he blesses them as he has so richly blessed us, providing our girls with husbands who love them and love the Lord (just like you), and Jones with a wife who loves Jesus and loves her husband from the very depths of her soul (just like me).

I love you now, I'll love you forever, and I'll love you constant.
Me