Can you believe you are SIX years old today? And not only that, it's your GOLDEN birthday! Well, you probably can believe it since you've been counting down the days since Christmas and reminding me every chance you get that this is your GOLDEN birthday, but I cannot seem to wrap my head around it. I was watching you earlier tonight as you were sitting in the family room and was struck once again with how in most ways you remain my little girl, but yet you are growing up at the speed of light right before my eyes. Stop it. Pretty please.
I find myself doing that a lot with you, you know. Watching you. Stealing glances. All out staring at you. Sometimes when you catch me in the act you will tilt your head, offer me a curious smile, and inquire as to what I'm doing. I usually use this moment to snatch a quick hug and kiss and possibly a tickle, because being near you and loving on you is irresistible to me. I remember so vividly the first second I laid eyes on you, and how you completely took my breath away. I couldn't believe as they put you in my arms that I had any part in creating you, and that this beautiful little girl got to be mine forever. There was just something about you, there is still something about you, that is pure magic. And this magic is like a magnetic force, drawing me to you.
Out of all my children you are my biggest mystery. There are so many levels and layers to you that as soon as I think I've got them all figured out, I am introduced to another facet that catches me totally off guard. You definitely carry some of my personality along with you, as well as the personalities of your Dad, and your Papa, and your Aunt Cyndy, and your Grandma, and all these other people in my life that it makes me wonder if when God made you he just took everyone I love, smooshed them all together, and out came you.
First of all, you are so, so strong, and unbelievably determined. The other day you were having trouble skipping and jumping rope at the same time. After a couple of failed attempts you stopped, looked at me and said, "Okay. I put it in my mind. Here I go". And you did it. Perfectly. And then you turned to me with such a look of pride at what you had willed yourself to accomplish. This kind of drive built into you is completely foreign to me, and I marvel every time I see you set your mind to something and finish it as if you knew it was only a matter of willpower and time.
Second, you are a visionary. You have more talent for the arts in your pinkie finger than your father and I have in both of us combined. You are constantly drawing, painting, cutting, pasting, imagining, and creating. Almost every day I can count on you bringing me something you have conjured up out of random craft supplies we have around the house and showing me what you made out of them. You put colors and lines together in a way I never would have dreamed of doing, and the result is always just right. I find myself looking at what you make and thinking to myself, "well of course those deflated balloons would make fantastic ears on that teddy bear. And that shade of purple really does make that yellow next to it appear surprisingly realistic". Again, this is an area where I just sit back and wonder at all you can do, knowing that I in no way contributed to it but am so grateful to be on the witnessing and receiving end of it.
Third, you are just plain silly.You will be the first person to do something crazy if you think there is the slightest possibility that it will get a laugh out of your sisters or your Daddy and me. Underwear on your head, whoopee cushions, gigantic (and I mean GIGANTIC) belches, these are all part of the repertoire you will dig into any time you are in the mood for some fun. And child, that giggle of yours is contagious. No one can be around you, hear you laugh, see that smile connected directly to the sparkle in your eyes and not chuckle a little bit themselves as well. You have a way about you that makes people want to be invited into your happiness, so maybe some of your magic will rub off on them as well.
And last but not least comes the one part I do understand about you. The part I tiptoe around hoping not to damage it in any way, because I believe it is the foundation which allows all your other characteristics to shine. You, my dear girl, encapsulate the words "sensitive soul". You feel things so incredibly deeply. It still surprises me after all this time that on those occasions when I scold you I can almost see your heart breaking. Your giant blue eyes well up with tears, your body folds in to cover your wounded heart, and it seems to be all you can do not to crumple into a little ball on the floor. And I am reminded in those moments on a very pure level how beneath everything tough about you on the outside, on the inside beats a tender, fragile heart. And oh honey, how I treasure that tender, fragile heart, and how I long to protect it forever...
And it is all these things blended together and formed into the person of you that causes me to so often just stop. And stare at you. And take you in. And stand in awe again that you are mine. And then one word will start running through my mind on repeat.
"Potential. Potential... potential... potential..."
Sweet girl, with your strength, and your sensitivity, and your silliness, and your spunk, I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that you really could rule the world. I look at you and see so clearly that you can do anything you set your mind to. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, out of your reach.
And this is where my most fervent prayers for you come in. These are actually prayers for you, and also huge prayers for me.
Because the thing is, I am so afraid of ruining you. I am so afraid I will somehow stifle all that is within you that I don't understand. I'm afraid I will mislead you somewhere down the road, and you will have to use up all your phenomenal qualities just finding your way back to where you should be, instead of using them to blaze what would surely be a groundbreaking path of your own. I'm afraid I'm going to break you, or hurt you, or cause you to want to leave me and all I've taught you, simply because there is just so much I don't realize and comprehend about you and I end up doing it all wrong.
So my prayers, sweet Liza, are that between the two of us we can send you to the very highest reaches of your potential, and then when you arrive we can sit back and watch the world change because you're there. I pray God gives your father and me the necessary wisdom in how to channel your passion and your drive into something beautiful for him. I pray God will keep your heart open and soft to those hurting in this world, and will give you the desire to bring them into your life because they will be better for having experienced you. I pray God surrounds you with people who will encourage you, and pray for you, and recognize the places you can go and want you to go there, too. I pray the love I have for you will be so obvious and so consuming that you will never have cause to doubt it, and you will know that in my presence and in my arms will always be a safe place to land. And most importantly, far and away, I pray that you love your Jesus. I pray you love him with the fire and the ferocity I feel when you wrap your little arms around me and let me believe I'm the best mommy in the world. I pray you allow him to use these glorious gifts he gave you to make this world better, and happier, and more magical. And I pray he is the one you turn to anytime and every time you lose your way, or are feeling scared or unsure, or you just need a friend. He will never disappoint you, never leave you on your own, never stop loving you. Honey, he just doesn't know how.
So today, on your (GOLDEN) birthday, I will watch you and stare at you and then take you in some more. Because I know in the deepest part of me how extraordinary you are, and how blessed we are to be able to witness you growing up and having you introduce us to unlimited possibility. I pray that God fills this next year of yours with friendship, and with laughter, and with grace, and he fills your soul with courage and the conviction that you are made for greatness, you are made to love and be loved, and you are made of all the very best things he has to give. Since the very moment we met you he has made us believe in magic.
Stay golden, baby girl.
All my love from the tips of your toes to the tippy-top of heaven,
Momma
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