My dearest Eliza,
I want to tell you something. Actually, I'm going to tell you a story. It's nothing you don't already know, seeing as it happened to you, but it's something I need to write down here so that it is never forgotten. I never want to forget it, and I surely don't want it to ever become just an ancient part of your history.
Two nights ago it was a typical Monday night around these parts. Your Dad had gotten home from the farm with about 30 seconds to spare before you, me, and Dana rushed out the door for our weekly Bible Study Fellowship. I noticed you had taken with you one of the laminated cards from Sunday School which had the verses you were supposed to be memorizing typed upon it. We were also memorizing these verses at home for school, and you were doing a really good job of committing them to memory. The Scripture passage on the card was this one:
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
You read the card over a couple times, asked me if you could read it to me once, and then again. And then when you were making one more pass at it the most awesome thing that will ever happen to you in your entire life happened to you. And I had the privilege of witnessing it.
Honey, Jesus came and plunked himself right down next to you in that car and introduced himself.
As I was watching you in the rear view mirror, I can't even explain it, but there was suddenly a change in your whole demeanor. You went from just reciting your memory verse to emphatically telling me how much you love Jesus, and how you'll never stop loving Jesus, and how you wanted to tell him that right now. So I encouraged you to do so, and when I looked back at you again there you were, eyes closed tight, hands clasping each other, smiling the brightest smile, face tilted up towards the sky talking to Jesus like you two were the only people in the world. After you said amen, your eyes met mine in the rear view mirror and the pure joy that radiated out of them could have only come straight from inside your soul. For the rest of the ride you kept telling me, over and over again, how you have never been so happy, and how this was the best day of your life. For the most part I kept quiet and simply told you how happy I was that you were so happy, partly because the moment was just so much bigger than me, and partly because I didn't want to put my measly human words to what you were experiencing. I wanted you to just live in that moment and to get as much out of it as you could without it being explained and rationalized away.
You literally skipped into BSF that night, and while we were singing the introductory hymns you told me once more how happy you were. And I knew by the look on your face that it had nothing to do with anything I had done, or anything anyone else had done. There was only one reason for that look in your eyes. That was 'Jesus Joy', sweet girl.
That night before you went to bed I did make a point of talking to you about what had happened. I didn't want to say anymore than I needed to, because again it was your experience, and I wanted it to stay yours without me putting my own feelings into your heart. But I did tell you how excited I was about what had happened. I told you that the happiness you had felt that night was a special, true happiness that can only come when Jesus fills your heart. And I told you that I never, ever wanted you to forget that feeling, because that's how Jesus always wants us to feel. He always wants us to experience the pure joy that comes from being in a relationship with him. You nodded and smiled and got excited all over again, and repeated again to me how you had never, ever been that happy before.
Sweetheart, that will surely be one of the most significant moments of your life. My prayer is that this one moment is just the very beginning of a lifetime of moments similar to it. And I can also say in all honesty that other than the day you were born that was hands-down the best parenting moment I have ever had with you. Of course there have been other phenomenal ones, but this day was different. This day God answered my most fervent prayer and fulfilled my deepest desire for you. Since the very day I found out you were a part of my life I have just wanted you to know him. And he reminded me that it is not up to me to make sure that this happens. It is not up to me whether or not you will ever truly love him. I can't force you to want to be in a relationship with him. No, it turns out he doesn't need me for any of that. He already loves you more than I am even capable of, he has chosen you, and he will use a power much greater than my own to call you close to him. And Monday night that power involved using his very own words from his very own Word to soften your heart and open it enough that he could enter in and make his home there. And baby girl, you welcomed him with open arms.
With all the worrying that I do about you kids, that night gave me the freedom to breathe the biggest sigh of relief, because I realized that I really don't need to worry anymore. He has you. He's with you. No matter what happens to you or to me he is never, ever going to leave you. And I think part of the reason that I was allowed to witness what happened with you was his way of gently reminding me of his promise to love you more than I ever could, and assuring me that I can rest easily and peacefully in his faithfulness. Last week we all memorized my favorite verse, and never did it hit so closely to my heart as it did when I repeated it for the first time following this event. In Isaiah 43:1 we are told to "Fear not, I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine". And you are mine, my Liza, but even more so and always and forever you are his.
And this is why I'm recording it here. I'm recording it here for you to look back on someday and hopefully recall that moment and those feelings you had when Jesus first made himself known to you. I'm also recording it here so that anytime I question where he is in your life, anytime I undoubtedly wonder if you really do love him, anytime you do things I don't approve of and I worry if Jesus has been put on the back burner, I can read this over again. I can be brought back to those few minutes in our messy ol' minivan when Jesus was right there with us, making his unmistakable mark on your life. I can hold dear that precious time when he chose to make himself real to you and he let me watch it unfold. I can see in my mind's eye the very moment when my Jesus became your Jesus. May this be just the beginning of an astoundingly, significantly, and eternally beautiful friendship.
Love always, Momma
