One

To my son on his first birthday.

I don't even know where to start. How was it that a year ago I didn't even know you? It's hard to imagine a day when I couldn't conjure up your smile at will, when I hadn't yet heard your giggle or your cry, when I didn't know what it felt like to have you bury your face into my shoulder or crawl headfirst into my leg so I would pick you up. Did days really exist when I wasn't greeted by your goofy grin, or when I was able to walk from room to room without your cherubic little fingers grasping at my hemline? It's hard to remember, and I don't really feel the need to. It seems you have been in my heart and on my hip for a lifetime, and I like feeling as if you and I have been intertwined since the very beginning.

You are still a surprise to me every day. I wasn't supposed to have a son, you know. I was pleasantly planning for our four daughters and was already adjusting my life accordingly when all of a sudden the doctor said, "It's a boy!" and all my aforementioned plans and (apparently quite faulty) mothers intuition went right out the window.

And then you were just there. All beautiful and perfect and ready to love me with the incomparable, all-consuming, enormous love of a little boy. Just like with your sisters, there was already a place reserved specifically for you in my heart, just waiting for you to claim it. You fit and filled it perfectly. You effortlessly made it, and me, your own.

I still can't believe that you are mine for the long haul. I watch you go about your day, pulling things from cupboards, throwing things off the couch, learning already how to push your sisters' buttons, and it always leads me to wonder, how does one even begin to raise a little boy? If I am in need of wisdom in how to raise your sisters, I feel as if I need complete and total enlightenment in how to raise you. I have no idea. Snips and snails and puppy dog tails are all foreign to me, not to mention danger and speed and all the ramminess that little boys can be capable of. I find myself already praying angels over you for the days to come, and praying peace (and possibly some blinders) for me and for my poor heart as you begin to explore and test your boundaries.

But Jones, it is in this place of facing the great unknown of your childhood and adolescence that I want to make you a promise. Dear boy, today I promise you that I will do my very best to help you become the man God intends for you to be. As I write this, I do not know what that will entail, or ultimately what will be asked of me. I don't know what sacrifices I will be called to make. I don't know how much of you I am going to have to be willing to surrender, and at this point I don't know how it will ever be possible for me to do so. I can't promise I will be good at stepping aside and letting go, but I promise you I will try (unless God's calling for your life means staying here with me forever and ever because I'd be really good at that, but for some reason I don't think that's the direction this is going to go). Already now I can see hours and hours of your name being passed from my lips to God's ears.

And I guess there are a few more promises that go hand in hand with my first one, so here's some more for you to hold me accountable to and remind me of when I go ahead and try to assert my mama-bear control over your life.

I promise to pray for strength and self-confidence for you, so you will grow up to be a man with the desire and the ability to head up a home that loves and serves the Lord.

I will pray for experiences and circumstances and role models in your life that allow you to see women in a positive and precious light. I will pray that you learn to treat women with honor and respect, and that you hold dear the opportunity to love and treasure your future wife in the same way that Christ loves and treasures her.

I will pray for your purity. I will pray that as you grow up you fully understand and appreciate the immeasurable value of your innocence in a world that has little regard for it. I will pray that you see the importance and the benefits of keeping your mind and eyes centered on holy things, and I will pray that God gives you a glimpse of the good things waiting for you if you choose to follow His leading in this area of your life.

I will pray for a loving and lasting relationship with you, even after you are no longer mine. As your mother, I know there will come a day when another woman will sweep you off your feet and desire to make her home with you. This is as it should be. (Excuse me, I must have something in my eye. Is it dusty in here? Pass me a tissue, I'll be fine.) It is my job to prepare you for this time in your life, and I will do my best to accomplish this. (Read: laundry, cooking, bed-making, foot-rubbing, etc. You're welcome, future Mrs. Jones Alberda.) Make no mistake about it though, I'm sure it will not be easy to watch you leave this nest. I have a feeling I will always see the little boy in you that belonged to me first, I will always want the best for you, and that is as it should be as well. But my promise to you is that I will love your wife and support her in her supporting of you. And more importantly, I promise to pray for her, and for protection and blessing over your marriage and life together. And then I'll pray that you all live close to me, like right next door, because I'm selfish like that.

And last but not least, I promise to pray most fervently that your father and I can raise you to love Jesus, and instill in you the passion to be a man after His own heart. There is nothing more important in this life, nothing more difficult, and nothing more rewarding than deciding to follow Jesus. I will continue to pray from this day forward that you will know Him. I will pray that you will experience firsthand his love, and his grace, and his friendship, and his power. And I will pray that you truly, truly understand and comprehend the unfathomable truth that the very God who made the cosmos wants nothing more than to make his home with you.

I'm sure as the years go on these prayers and promises I make to you today will grow and change, but one thing will remain the same. Jones Peter Alberda, I love you. And even though right now I look at you and feel as if I have no idea how to raise a little boy, you sure have shown me how to fall head over heels, madly in love with one.

Happy birthday, my Jonesy-Boy. It has been a crazy, wonderful, head-butting, dirt-eating, rough and tumble, snuggle-fest of a first year. I'll go get out the helmets and knee pads for the next one.

Forever and ever,
Your momma

To Dana: Eight (Amazing) Years In

Dear Dana,
Today, sweet girl, you turn eight whole years old. And I'd like you to knock it off already. While I am so amazed everyday at the beautiful young lady you are turning into, and while I try to relish every moment of your childhood while it lasts, these days with you seem to be flying by.

In honor of your big day, I thought I would share with you eight things that come to mind when I ponder the person of you.

 

1. You are just one big breathing, talking, walking heart. You always put other people first. Always. It's just instinctual with you to make sure everyone around you is happy, and taken care of, and your world isn't right unless this is so. Friday at swimming lessons I heard you tell a friend who was trying to turn your threesome of little girls into a twosome by taking you away that you wouldn't go with her because you didn't want anyone to feel left out. You won't know how brave and honorable and kind that one statement was until you are older, but in that moment I could not have been more proud of you. And then you performed a flawless dive off the diving board and I was proud of you all over again. :) I pray the piece of you which cherishes people and respects their feelings never falters or disappears, as it is one of the very best parts of you. Those people who get to call you their friend in this lifetime will be so blessed by your thoughtfulness and compassion.

2. When you and Jones are together it is like putting a face on the word 'adore'. You two have such a great love affair, with each of you lighting up upon first glimpse of the other. You mother him better than I do most days. Every morning when you walk up the stairs your eyes automatically sweep the room looking for your little brother, eye contact is made, huggles and snuggles ensue, and only then can you begin the rest of your day. Dana, he is so lucky to have your love poured out over him in every moment you are together. This love of yours will help shape the man he becomes.

 

3. You are drawn naturally to Jesus. There is an organic, easy, seamless relationship already in place there that I can take no credit for. It was like all I had to was formally introduce you to Him, and you took it from there. You love reading your Bible and ask me unbelievably deep, thoughtful questions about the words you read. He is very, very real to you. My most heartfelt desire is that this relationship explodes into something even more beautiful and indestructible as the years go by and that you wish to do nothing more than follow His leading in your life. He will always be everything you need, dear child. Always and everything.

4. You have inherited my love for words. You are constantly reading, reading, reading anything you can get your hands on. You have the capability of reading and understanding books that kids five years older than you are reading, but you are content to read a board book to your little brother as well. You could also be read to all day long. One of your favorite things to do is to bring me a book, curl that ever-lengthening body of yours into my lap and just listen, and listen, and then listen some more. There are so many times when I wish I didn't have anything else in the world to do other than just read with you, for this is my happy place, too. I hope your love of books develops into a lifelong passion, and that you and I will be trading literature until the end of time.

5. You are beautiful. I know I'm not supposed to dwell on your outer appearance and so I won't, but sweetheart your radiant smile, your twinkling eyes, your long golden "princess" hair... you have turned into quite a pretty little girl. And even though there are things far, far more important for you to focus on, I also understand that every girl likes to hear that once in awhile, and so I will remind you of your beauty every time you feel you need to hear it.  

6. Your inner beauty is what makes your outer beauty evident. Even the most conventionally attractive woman can be deemed ugly, and the seemingly unattractive person can be the most breathtaking. All those things listed above in #5? They become invisible without an authentic goodness that shines from within. You are kind to all around you. You are gentle, you are humble, you seek peace, you love to love, you are genuinely concerned for the heart and soul of others. These, Dana, are the reasons why you are truly, inherently beautiful.

 

 

 

7. You are growing up so fast. Already you are forming opinions and inquiring about everything from science, to relationships, to human sexuality, to God, and the list only begins there. There are times when I find it hard to keep up with your questions and observations. But the best part about this is that you keep me re-evaluating everything in my own life. You force me to keep asking myself the tough questions, and you even introduce me to new ones. I deeply covet that our relationship will always be an open and trusting one, and for this reason I have vowed since the day you were born to be honest with you about everything. And so I try to answer everything you throw my way with truth and with wisdom. By God's grace alone this seems to have worked okay so far, and I will continue to pray every day that He grants me the answers I need to satisfy your growing and changing view of His world.

8. And finally, baby, a prayer. Because no birthday would be complete without recognizing and thanking the One who gave you to us to celebrate.

Dear Lord in heaven,
I thank you today for Dana. You have made her such a special little girl with so many unique and admirable gifts. I thank you for entrusting her to us, and trusting that we will provide for her, and love her, and point her back to You. She is an awesome responsibility, in every sense of the word. I ask today for Your blessing over this next year of her life. I ask for You to continue to reveal Yourself to her so that as she grows she does so under the umbrella of Your example and Your unconditional love for her. Please help us to teach her to love others, to recognize her own self-worth, and most of all to desire to surrender her life to You. Give us wisdom in the face of her questions, grace in the wake of her mistakes, and the patience in parenting that can only come from above. Let us do her justice, for she deserves so much goodness out of this life. Our gratefulness to You when we reflect on Dana and the gift that she is to this family knows no bounds. She is one of your greatest creations.
Dear Lord, please bless this child and keep her always. Make Your face to shine upon her and give her Your peace.
In Your holy name we pray, Amen

Happy 8th birthday, dear Dana. May we enjoy this wonderfully special day together and many, many more to follow.

All my love from here to forever,
Momma